These are IELTS band 6 essay samples which were given grades (of 6 or 6.5) and fundamental feedback on the rating for every standards by an skilled IELTS teacher.
Matter: Wages of Entertainers (band 6)
Some individuals consider that entertainers are paid too a lot and their affect on society is unfavorable, whereas others disagree and consider that they deserve the cash that they make due to their optimistic results on society.
Talk about each opinions and provides your personal opinion.
The leisure business is without doubt one of the largest sectors in all around the globe. Some suppose that the individuals who work in that business earn an excessive amount of cash contemplating their dangerous affect on society, and I agree. Others, nonetheless, consider that their optimistic affect on others is definitely worth the cash that they’re paid.
On the one hand, there is no such thing as a doubt that present enterprise is a gigantic and unfairly effectively paid sector. Along with that, members of it don’t add actual worth, in comparison with others like, as an example, schooling staff. Though in some nations academics stay with unreasonable wages, their accountability, is extraordinarily invaluable for subsequent generations develop into higher individuals. Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly wage from one live performance. The opposite essential level is, for a balanced and equal society, the distinction between earnings ranges should not be very excessive. Regardless than their contribution, nobody ought to make billions of {dollars} that simply, as a result of that imbalance does have a big unfavorable affect on societies.
Alternatively, some individuals suppose that entertainers’ contribution to the trendy life is definitely worth the cash they earn. It may be understood that for many individuals, watching a film or going to a live performance is irreplaceable with different actions; due to this fact, they suppose that their optimistic affect is essential for a big proportion of individuals. Along with that, celebrities do compromise their privateness and freedom with being identified by many others. In change of that, they do deserve a cushty life with considerably higher paychecks.
In conclusion, regardless of their minimal contribution with their work to the individuals and sacrifice from their non-public life; I consider that their affect is way from being optimistic and they aren’t paid pretty or balanced with others.
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Activity Response: 7
Each components of the query are absolutely answered and there’s a clear place and opinion introduced. However among the assist loses focus and generalises an excessive amount of. This may be seen within the final a part of physique paragraph one, which simply states there are unfavorable impacts once more however doesn’t say why.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
Pretty well-organised however there are some points with CC. For occasion ‘as well as’ doesn’t slot in physique paragraph one so early as the subject sentence has but to be defined. The thesis can be higher with the opinion on the finish.
Lexical Useful resource: 6
An satisfactory vary of vocabulary however there are inaccuracies and errors with phrase types.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: 6
Good vary and mixture of easy and complicated sentences however too many noticeable errors for a band 7. For occasion, “Regardless than their contribution” or the fragment: “Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly wage from one live performance.”
Matter: Computer systems and Educating (Band 6)
College youngsters have gotten far too depending on computer systems and that is having an alarming impact on studying and writing expertise. Lecturers must keep away from utilizing computer systems within the classroom in any respect prices and return to instructing fundamental examine expertise.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Kids are born into the digital world. From younger age, they know function computer systems, iPad, and TV. It’s a part of their each day life. College age youngsters isn’t any exception to the usage of computer systems. They’re assured customers of computer systems and really depending on them which might result in decline in studying and writing expertise. Some academics utilise the computer systems effectively of their classes, whereas others keep away from the usage of computer systems of their school rooms. I consider good steadiness of each is required to assist college students’ studying and writing expertise to enhance.
Computer systems may help college students with studying. For instance, if college students come throughout unknown phrases, they will search the unknow phrases and listen to the pronunciation. If it was not for the computer systems, they’ve to seek out somebody who is aware of pronounce the phrases for them. Subsequently, computer systems can play optimistic function in college students’ studying expertise.
On the opposite fingers, writing expertise must be improved by a number of handwritten works. If college students are utilizing computer systems on a regular basis and getting the assistance of autocorrection, they won’t enhance their writing expertise. They won’t know edit as autocorrect is doing the job for them.
In conclusion, I consider that academics mustn’t enable college students to do all of the work on the computer systems particularly writing duties. Nevertheless, trainer mustn’t keep away from the usage of pc as computer systems could be a nice assist in the event that they use it successfully. Slightly than avoiding computer systems that college students are so used to, academics must provide you with use it successfully to boost college students’ studying and writing expertise.
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Activity Response: 6
You’ve addressed the query correctly and your concepts are related. Nevertheless, you don’t have sufficient assist in your physique paragraphs, which is a very powerful facet close to the grading. Shorten your introduction significantly (2 or 3 sentences to introduce the subject and thesis). It at the moment doesn’t meet the requirement of “presents, extends and helps most important concepts” for band 7.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
You sequence data and concepts logically, however your linking gadgets are a bit too mechanical i.e. transition phrases in preliminary sentence place e.g. for instance, due to this fact, alternatively and many others. A better vary and better means to hyperlink can be wanted for 7 and over. Check out this recommendation on utilizing transitions for band 7.
Referencing must also be improved e.g. “Some academics utilise the computer systems effectively of their classes, whereas others keep away from the usage of computer systems them of their school rooms.”
Lexical Useful resource: 7
Ample vary of vocab and a few much less frequent vocab used, however some errors in phrase selection / formation forestall a band 8.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: 6
Total the grammar is excellent, however there’s an error in fairly a couple of of the sentences. Most are fairly minor however a few very noticeable and the candidates must take care with this to keep away from a drop to a 6.
Matter: Improved Medical Care (Band 6.5)
One of many penalties of improved medical care is that individuals are residing longer and life expectancy is rising.
Do you suppose the benefits of this growth outweigh the disadvantages?
For the reason that medical care system has made important progress within the final many years, individuals these days grow old. Whereas this may be seen as a transparent profit on a private view, it causes large issues on a worldwide view. That’s why I believe that the advantages of a better life expectancy don’t outweigh the drawbacks.
On the one hand, a bonus of an extended life and higher medical care is that folks can spend extra time with their family members with out being in ache. As it’s potential to deal with sicknesses the way in which, that they don’t have an effect on the affected person’s life anymore. For instance, even a couple of years in the past lots of people died having a coronary heart assault. With the elevated medical potentialities this isn’t the case anymore. Because of this, individuals can overcome sicknesses that had been lethal.
Alternatively, the worldwide affect an extended life expectancy has is big. This may be seen by the truth that an extended life of people means a better inhabitants on planet earth. As an illustration, we have already got about 8 billion inhabitants and this quantity is rising steadily. Consequently, we’ll not have sufficient sources to realize meals and water for such a excessive variety of people.
Moreover, an extended life interval additionally causes increased prices for the medical care system. Purpose for that’s that extra sources are wanted to maintain individuals wholesome and alive. As an instance, for the prevention of a coronary heart assault the affected person will get a wide range of capsules to lower his blood strain. This remedy is dear. Accordingly, we are going to want increasingly more younger individuals to finance the medical system, or the system should be modified.
All in all, it’s comprehensible that folks want to have a wholesome and really lengthy life. However for my part the worldwide disadvantages clearly outweigh the private benefits of an extended life and higher medical care.
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Activity Response: 7
Content material of the essay and concepts are typically okay. Nevertheless, the preliminary clarification for the benefits shouldn’t be at all times clear. The reader has to nonetheless take into consideration what you imply about “being in ache.” A stricter examiner may penalize both TR or CC as a result of the reader nonetheless has to course of what is supposed on this paragraph. However I believe the common examiner gives you a 7 as the opposite paragraphs are okay.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The usage of sequencers is okay. CC ranges 8 and 9 don’t essentially have very apparent introductory phrases in the beginning of almost each sentence (e.g. on the one hand, for instance, consequently), and too many may even restrict it to a band 6 if it is rather mechanical. Check out mannequin 8/9 essays to see the way it ought to be achieved if you’d like a better rating.
Lexical Useful resource: 7
Vocabulary is okay, regardless of an error or two. However for a better rating, you’ll want extra complicated phrases.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: 6
There’s a good mixture of complicated sentences although this facet might be improved – some sentences might be linked collectively to make the essay extra complicated, which might be anticipated for a band 7, 8 and 9. And that is complicated – “As it’s potential to deal with sicknesses the way in which, that they don’t have an effect on the affected person’s life anymore.” Take a look at write complicated sentences as you seem to have a fraction – complicated sentences.
Double-check to appropriate errors you’re conscious of. As earlier talked about, the primary physique paragraph has points. There are additionally punctuation points (comma) in different areas. I believe this doesn’t fairly attain a 7 however could be very shut.
Matter: Energy in Sport (Band 6)
Some individuals suppose that bodily energy is essential for fulfillment in sport, whereas others suppose that psychological energy is extra essential.
Talk about each views and provides your personal opinion.
Bodily vitality is taken into account to be an crucial facet for achievements within the discipline of sports activities. Nevertheless, many people argue that psychological energy additionally performs a pivotal function. This essay represents view for either side together with the opinion.
Firstly, speaking about bodily vitality, common workouts allows a person to remain match and wholesome by stretching physique muscle mass that retains the physique lively. Secondly, workouts may be carried out in a approach of practising any exercise associated to sports activities; for an occasion, taking part in tennis or soccer could gives an encouragement and an exploration of latest concepts and methods that may be utilized throughout video games. Lastly, workouts reduces the chance of well being points, akin to alterations in blood strain, cardio-vascular illnesses, by regulating blood movement in complete physique that stops danger of coronary heart and mind strokes.
On the opposite aspect, a wholesome thoughts lives in a wholesome physique. In response to this phrase, psychological energy performs an important function in sports activities actions. In at present’s world of competitors, an individual got here via many conditions which are stuffed with stress, for instance, crew strain, strain of successful or loosing the sport. Furthermore, a person can not concentrate on sports activities except or till his psychological energy shouldn’t be sturdy. A stress could leads a participant into melancholy which might put him on stress releasing remedy for his total life. Moreover, state of happiness gives rest to psychological energy that enhance up the arrogance degree to carry out effectively within the sports activities.
In my view, each bodily in addition to psychological energy are thought of to be obligatory as a result of if workouts helps within the development of physique equally psychological energy offers confidence and assist to play effectively.
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Activity Response: 7
The essay addresses all components of the duty, a transparent place is introduced all through the response and most important concepts are prolonged and supported most important concepts. Nevertheless, there’s a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting concepts could lack focus.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is clearly organised nevertheless it tends to be a bit mechanical with the usage of the transition/sequencers (e.g. firstly, secondly, lastly and many others).
Lexical Useful resource: 6
There may be an satisfactory vary of vocabulary for the job however not sufficient to satisfy the and seven standards of “adequate vary of vocabulary to permit some flexibility and precision” or “makes use of much less frequent lexical gadgets”.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: 6
There may be proof of a mixture of each easy and complicated constructions however error free sentences aren’t frequent (band 7), however the errors current don’t cut back the communicative impact so it deserves a 6, not 5.
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